I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
