I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
