Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
