The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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