Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
