i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
