Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
