I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
