Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
