Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
