I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
