living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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