hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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