you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
