The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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