The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
