just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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