I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
