maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
