i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
