just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
