I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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