Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His nipple licking is glorious
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