Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
