well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
