I bet he comes in French.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
