im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
