I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
