He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
