he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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