So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
