she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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