yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
