I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
