Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
