And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
