Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
