Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
