shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize