I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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