when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
