If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
