Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize