I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
