It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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