Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
