every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
