so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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