i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
