It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry about my life...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
