I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
