Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
