I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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