She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
