Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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