I'm pants shitting drunk right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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