I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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