So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't deserve a penis
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
