Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
