I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
