i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
