the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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