Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
