For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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