I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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